No strings dating growing…
Here’s an interesting article on the rise of no strings adult dating sites, to keep up with people wanting sex outside their marriage.
“Peter (not his real name) describes himself on his profile page as an attractive 43-year-old, married with children and smack bang in the middle of a midlife crisis. He hopes that sleeping with an interesting woman may help. As this is a website called Forget Dinner rather than Facebook, the accompanying picture is of him in his underpants.
Forget Dinner is one of three matterof-fact dating websites — the others are called Marital Affair and Simply Adult — that describe themselves as somewhere for broad-minded adults wanting “fun” to meet. Sign up to one and you receive responses from all three.
Almost all members are married. A quick search offers me a choice of 11,000 mostly married men in London between the ages of 20 and 50, and a lot of pictures of genitalia. Members say that there are probably ten men to each woman.
Profiles are short and to the point, without the flowery “looking for a soulmate” language of conventional dating sites, because most people are not trying to hide that they are just looking for NSA (no-strings-attached) sex, either as a one-off or as a continuing casual arrangement; most are adamant that they want to maintain their current relationship but are looking for something to spice up a life fallen flat. Common explanations include “life is too short to take too seriously” and “I don’t want a relationship, thanks, I’ve already got one of those”. Almost all say that they are not getting enough excitement at home and feel that time is running out.
A foot fetishist and a tights fetishist pop up but, as profiles list level of education and income, it is easy to find pleasant-sounding, high-earning professionals. Peter swapped several messages with a barrister. A lot of the photographs are obviously family holiday snaps.
Peter may be a cliché but he is also a decent bloke — self-critical, slightly embarrassed — trying to best navigate his way through a 16-year-old marriage in which he is determined to remain. He will not, he says, go down the self-destructive route of a long-term affair that could wreck everything. But “sex at home has left the building”, which makes him mildly but continually unhappy with a life that otherwise should be perfect. So far he has met two women on the site and slept with both of them, one several times.
“I know that casual sex is not the answer and I know it’s a dangerous game,” he says. “I’m kidding myself that I’m bright enough and emotionally stable enough to cope with it but now, of course, I feel guilty.” It must be fun at the time, though — otherwise why do it? “Of course, but the pleasure is very temporary. This morning I woke up in a Travelodge in Enfield and just thought, ‘What the hell am I doing?’ ”
Kate, a lawyer in her forties, has been on the site for a month and describes it as “like an erotic Facebook”. She has been married for 15 years and has three children. “I try not to examine my motives too closely or beat myself up,” she says. “Most of the time I tick along fine but I miss the energy of being chatted up, the excitement of dating.”
Read the rest of the article at http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article6894126.ece#at
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